I recently received a question from someone asking me about the spanking pictures I have on my Tumblr site. He told me he wasn’t into spanking and just didn’t understand it or get it, i.e., why are some men interested in the male/male spanking dynamic—and I guess, why other men are not and do not find it in the least bit appealing.
Let me offer one pathway to understanding this:
One of the first and most important forms of male bonding a boy has is with his dad. Being under the authority and control of a father is (or at least should be) a very intimate, emotional, and bonding experience for both dad and son. And while I certainly know and understand that not all men had a great dad or a great dad/son relationship, nevertheless, the first male bonding experience for most boys is with his dad, for better or for worse. For many men, it is the deepest emotional connection with another man that he might ever have,especially if he doesn’t have any brothers. Embedded within this first and most significant male bonding experience is learning submission to dad, to his rules, his authority, control, and leadership. Furthermore, a boy also learns that failing to submit to dad leads to punishment. So many men therefore, connect the intimacy of the relationship with dad with the intimacy of submission to dad and to his authority and power to reward and punish his son as he best sees fit.
Therefore, in this context, many men find something very intimate and personal about a dad spanking his boy. A dad feels more comfortable than anyone else taking his own son in hand. A dad feels responsible for his behavior and the strength of his character. A dad knows when his son is truly sorry and when he’s just sorry he got caught and is going to be paddled. A dad knows when to be lenient and empathetic and when to be stern and uncompromising.
Moreover, a real dad doesn’t ask his son to submit to a spanking or ask if he is spanking his son too hard or if he’s had enough. A real dad decides for himself when, how, and for what reasons his boy’s butt gets blistered. A real dad decides whether his son deserves reward or punishment and whether he’s embarrassed and humiliated or allowed some form of modesty. Also, a real dad determines whether his son is being honest enough or needs to open up more; whether he has put forth his best effort; whether to paddle him or use the belt or the strap to get his point across about who is in charge and who is not.
This kind of vulnerability and honesty grounded within the dad/son relationship is intense, powerful, and instructive. In those emotional moments of dad/son interaction, a son is exposing his weakness, his failures, and his faults, baring his soul to his dad as the punishment is determined and delivered. Besides dad, few other men, if any, ever see the son in such an emotional state, in such a vulnerable position, in such a raw and exposed place. Such bonding moments of punishment require a level of trust and honesty much more intense than at almost any other time within the dad/son relationship.
Now again, I fully understand that some men did not grow up receiving strong, effective, developmental, and positive fathering. But for those who did, this first form of male bonding found between dad and son provides at least one point of understanding the context of adult male/male spanking and why it is (and can be) very appealing to some men to re-create and re-experience this particular form of male/male intimacy as grown men. For those men who didn’t grow up with effective fathering, the male/male spanking context often represents an attempt to create this type of relational intimacy that is noticeably missing; I think it is also informative in helping to explain the common Sir/boy or Dom/sub type relationship many men enter in to as they reach adulthood.
So, I think the bottom line here is that is isn’t so much about the spanking, rather it is about the level of trust, honesty, vulnerability, exposure, and intimacy demanded by this particular form of naked male bonding.